Dear BPCWAians, Last week, we looked at the subject of filial piety in the light of the 5th commandment. Unlike worldly philosophers who propound good because of “innate goodness” in man and duties toward society, the honour that Christians give to their earthly parents and to those in authority is because God, Who is our Supreme Authority, has ordained them as our authority. So, obedience to parents is submission to God’s authority over us.
Limits of Obedience. While there is a Chinese saying that “Of all virtues, filial piety is the first” nevertheless, a mere moral-ethical view of this can lead to exaltation of man above God. While children have the responsibility to obey parents “in all things” (Col 3:20), they are also reminded that the obedience is “in the Lord” (Eph 6:1). The honour that children give to their parents arises out of their honour for God and His commands. Our loyalty to God and His commands rise above the highest of all relationships. Christ must reign Supreme in our hearts. “If any [man] come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.” (Luke 14:26) This is an important point to recognise at the same time. Both parents and children must recognise alike that all relationships are set in their order first based upon our relationship with God. Hence, what He commands rules and guides all our blood kinship and societal relationships.
Once understood in this light, Christians pressured to obey parents in matters of ancestral worship are able to respond rightly. In Confucian thinking, besides honouring parents and elders while they are alive, a filial child must mourn the parents and ancestors with the proper rituals at death. Filial piety includes remembering them after death or at festive occasions by offering sacrifices, bowing, or praying to their ancestral tablets or tombstones. This is a common act at Chinese New Year. But for Christians, honouring parents does not come at the expense of disobedience or dishonour to God. The Bible tells us that upon death, man’s spirit either departs into the presence of the Lord or into everlasting punishment. This is the reason why we do not bow down, serve nor pray to ancestral graves. To do so is the believe that the dead can still receive our respect and worse, our worship. Besides disobedience to God, this stumbles believers and unbelievers as well.
Duty of Parents. Now that we’ve seen the importance of obedience of children to parents, we want to look also at the duty of parents to children. God’s commandment is mutual, and not only upon children. Parents are not to be honoured as if they were a god that can do no wrong. Parents are reminded not to provoke their children to wrath (Eph 6:4) by acting unjustly, improperly or unrighteously. Conversely, it also means that parents are capable of wrongly provoking their children to wrath by their actions.
When God ordains authority, it is for them to act on His behalf. Parents must not look upon this as a free reign to act as they wish. God tells us what He expects from the authority that He gives to them. They are to represent what His authority is like. For example, while parents are to provide physically for their children (2 Cor 12:14), yet this does not mean the focus is that the children get the “best” in life materially – with toys, gadgets, holidays and the best schooling possible. Unbelievers do that for their children because that is what they value. The honour and love that God intends parents to have from the children cannot be bought by material things. Of greater importance is the nurture and admonishment (Eph 6:4) and teaching of their children to obey God’s laws (Deut 6:6-7), and the parents themselves living a life consistent with Scriptures. God’s vested authority serves Him when they encourage good works and punish evil (Rom 13:1-4). Finally, as parents, we cannot pander to our children’s wants and desires simply to “buy favour”. We cannot “close an eye” when our children blatantly disregard God’s commands, honouring our children above God (1 Sam 2:29). Yet, all this is to be done with a desire to seek the best for our children (Lk 11:13) and in a spirit of love (Tit 2:4), not impatience, self righteousness, and demeaning actions. Even chastisement is done because of love for the child (Prov 13:24). Once we realise what God expects of us, we do not demand honour from our children, simply because we’re older, or because we are their parents. Instead, we seek to be honourable in God’s eyes – by fulfilling what He expects of us. Certainly, this is no easy task, but a God given task for us to serve Him in our families. Parents, do not be careless of this holy responsibility, for you will be held accountable too.
We live in the last days, “perilous times” characterised by disobedience to parents (2 Tim 3:1,2). This same characteristic is evident also in those who reject God (Rom 1:28-30). On the other hand, many parents are also taking their role more lightly, or passing it on to others instead of fulfilling the roles themselves. These are not merely societal problems. They are spiritual problems.
May we return to the biblical model of what God requires of parents and of children so that we may train godly seed for Him in our homes. Only such homes will bring glory to God. What we should see in God’s house would be parents demonstrating godly conduct and truly being honourable according to God’s Word, and children obeying and submitting themselves respectfully under God’s authority placed over them.
Proverbs 23:24 The father of the righteous shall greatly rejoice: and he that begetteth a wise [child] shall have joy of him. 25 Thy father and thy mother shall be glad, and she that bare thee shall rejoice.
Yours in our Lord’s service,
Pastor