Dear BPCWAians, The Purpose of friendships was the topic of the 1st day’s Holiday Bible Program Lesson. Friends that we spend much time with must be chosen on the basis of how you all can mutually draw each other towards God in love and obedience to Him in life. This is because friends can have much influence our lives and our characters. So after we realise why God intends us to have friends, it should help us resist the urge to be indiscriminate when making friends and who we choose to spend much time with as friends. We conclude now by looking at the lessons on day 2 and 3 of the program.

Basis of godly friendships. In the fickleness of man’s favour, David went from the hero that king Saul fawned over to a hunted victim of the same king. Whether a friendship is godly is often proven when tested in times of difficulties. No one wants a friend who flees when you’re down and out. David went to king Saul’s son, Jonathan, with news that his father was out to kill him (1 Sam 20). Would Jonathan simply choose family ties over friendship bonds? A godly friend chooses what to do based on what is God’s will and purpose. Friendship is not blind allegiance and loyalty. But young person, this is not to encourage you to disobey your parents and simply choose to follow friends regardless of parental advice. So, it is not just about agreeing or siding with your friend simply because he is your close friend. Those who expect you to agree to everything they say and be loyal to them regardless of the truth want followers, not friends. Godly friends do not want to hear and say “nice things” at the expense of truth. In fact, godly friends can openly discuss things that could potentially even affect the friendship. This is because both friends have the same convictions and the same goal – to honestly do what is right in God’s sight. Do you steer away from certain topics or doctrines when talking to your close friend? Even if your best friend is a Christian, if all you can talk to your friend about is prayer and God’s love, that is a sign that the friendship is not solidly built on godly foundations in every aspect. Jonathan tests if David’s allegations against his father was true. David was willing to have his words proved. Once Jonathan had confirmed that, he was quick to choose to obey God instead of siding with his murderous father. Godly friendships have no false or misplaced loyalties. The only loyalty is to God. The basis of resolving conflicts and willingness to change one’s mind and action is God’s Word. This choice would not only incur Jonathan’s own father’s displeasure, but would also likely seal the fact that Jonathan, the heir apparent, was now giving aid to the one who would most likely be the next king instead of himself. This goes back to the purpose of the friendship. It was never for self-promotion nor gain, but for promotion of God’s will and purpose without jealousies. As long as both were aligned to a common pursuit of obedience to God at all costs, they would be friends through difficulties (Prov 17:17). If Jonathan had wanted the friendship because of David’s popularity, talent, wealth, wit or intelligence, the friendship would have stopped at this point. Instead, Jonathan was willing to give up his heirship because he wanted David to fulfil God’s will to be the next king and would even serve David (1 Sam 23:17). David was willing to die at Jonathan’s hand if there was any treason in him (1 Sam 20:8).

The basis of their friendship was all about a commonality in convictions in what God desires, not what we desire. This is translated to a common agreement in God’s Word. The basis is obeying God and God’s will being done. It was all about stirring each other to obey God and willing to obey God ourselves, regardless of what the friendship will cost us. This is the basis upon which your friendships, especially close ones, must be built. They were both willing to part ways even so that God’s will would be fulfilled (1 Sam 20:41,42).

Danger of ungodly friendships. We must be warned about bad friends like Jonadab and Amnon (2 Sam 13). Amnon lusted after his half-sister, and his friend Jonadab encouraged him on. Instead of rebuking us soundly when we are wrong, these “friends” goad us on to do sinful things or to follow our carnal lusts in this world. They may even “helpfully” suggest ways for us to get what we want – even if our desires are wrong. Be careful what kind of friends you let hang around you. While they may seem to make us happy because we end up getting what we want, these friends are actually our enemies. There is no good ending with such friendships. At the same time, there are also “friends” like king Saul. When David helped soothe his spirit with harp playing, he was nice to him. But once David was to fulfil God’s will, king Saul quickly wanted him dead. These only want friendships to pander to them and their needs. These are people who want friends to follow them instead of following God. Such “friendships” are actually “fan clubs”.

Having understood the above, let us consider if we are in close friendships with those that truly love our Lord. Think of your classmates, colleagues, other friends, even relatives and Christian friends that you spend much time with. Is the Biblical purpose of drawing each other closer to God and to obey God present in these close friendships? We want friends like Jonathan, but that begins first with what kind of friends we choose and why we choose who we choose. Also, are your friendships just based upon having common tastes in fashion, food, fun, music, babies and hobbies? The best friends must be the ones who have a godly outlook on life and common godly convictions (Amos 3:3), not just because you all clique on common desires for things in this world, even harmless things. If having common godly convictions is not the basis, then remember that God warns us, “Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners” (1Cor 15:33). Hence, sometimes in some situations, it is better to have no friends, than to have bad friends. I pray that BPCWAians will be godly friends to one another and seek godly friends among our covenantal family in church.

Yours in our Lord’s service

Pastor