Dear BPCWA worshipper, Last week, we saw that a Christian marriage must fulfill God’s purpose and glorify Him. We do this when married couples set their hearts on achieving God’s purpose, which is to enable each other to better love, obey, and serve God, to increase the church with holy seed, and to prevent uncleanness. The world conditions us to look at marriage in its own light, but Christians who are married must understand and live out God’s plan in their marriages every day.

Good marriages are important for the church. Marriages are usually a time for celebration for everyone. However, is God going to be pleased with every marriage? This must be a question that every married couple must reflect on for themselves too. We learnt previously that God has a role for singles in His church, and God has a purpose for marriages in His church too. Marriage can make 2 very useful Christian individuals doubly useful for His work when their marriage is according to God’s plan. There is a synergy in God’s plan. When followed, a marriage can be a strong net positive in advancing His kingdom’s work. “Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour” (Ecc 4:9) isn’t merely referring to the emotional and physical wellbeing of the couple. A Christian marriage is a spiritual institution and must achieve spiritual outcomes. They must do more for His kingdom’s work than they did as 2 singles. Conversely, the wrong marriage can also make 2 previously very useful Christian singles fruitless for His use. It is with this in mind that I spend hours at each pre-marital counselling warning and admonishing them of what they need to be in marriage. Yet, it is with a certain trepidation each time I solemnise a marriage. Only time will tell what the outcome is like. If the couple is obedient, they will submit and strive to obey God. But if the couple is disobedient, 2 previously profitable Christians have dropped out of God’s work and service – a net double negative for the church. In fact, it does not take 2 to be disobedient for the marriage to be useful for the Lord. Since marriage is one flesh and has mutual responsibilities, the spiritual state and obedience of a spouse affects the other. How, you may ask? Well, an obviously significant effect on the church is in the area of leadership in the church. A single who is appointed to a role is assessed on his individual merits and his spiritual state. But for a married man, there are additional assessments of how he leads his wife and how he rules his house (1 Tim 3:4,5). While this qualification is for elders, we must realise that ruling elders are taken from the worshippers. Here, God does not only tell us to only assess the spirituality of a potential elder, but also to assess him as a married man. We think that only his reputation in the world can mar him from service. In effect, those closest to him – his wife and his family – can disqualify him too. There is a closeness in a marriage that will affect each other – for better, or for worse. Sadly, sin is often more contagious upon the other spouse than godliness. Even outside of leadership positions or roles, 2 previously godly and active singles who get married and forget the spiritual purpose of marriage can cause each other to backslide. They can become tardy in their attendance and service, absorbed in each other and their children, and eventually become only pew warmers. As singles, they were effective for the Lord’s work. As a family, they may even be seen to be “happily married”. But is the marriage glorifying to God and useful for His work? Married couple – ask yourself which equation does your marriage fulfill? Is there a net negative or positive for God’s work? Are two really better than one from a spiritual perspective in your marriage? Has God’s work been promoted more in your marriage, or when you were singles?

The fruit of mutual help. Why did God ordain the respective roles for the husband and wife as He did? Was it merely because it was an efficient model for marital bliss? Certainly, that is an outcome, but it is ultimately all for a spiritual purpose. The care of the house being borne by the wife (Tit 2:5) is not so that the husband can now be fed with his favourite food and be a couch potato. This is to enable him to be freed up for more study of God’s Word to teach his family – personally and in church. With her added help and care, he is supposed to be able to serve the Lord better. But the wife may not be happy that he is spending time to serve God because she was hoping to free up his time for herself instead. Or the husband may use his time and energy for his own pursuits. The marriage becomes a hindrance instead. In what way then would the husband be a help to the wife? He would be responsible for providing and protecting her. But most importantly, his role is to lead her by sanctifying her and helping her grow spiritually. Her spiritual state is crucial for the family and in bringing up godly seed because she spends the most time with the children in a day. If he leads and sanctifies her, she will think and choose biblically.

The fruit of godly seed. In today’s society, this is an often overlooked and even seen to be an undesirable part of marriage. Where children used to be considered as “bundles of joy”, they are now seen as “burdens of jail”. This view is an insult and a mockery to God, because He has promised that “children are an heritage of the LORD: and . . . [a] reward” (Ps 127:3). God intends to use the married to bear children. Through this, a godly line is preserved and propagated. When couples fail to realise and have little desire to obey this purpose of marriage, God’s work will not have the godly seed that God intends from their marriages. But marriage is more than just a “reproduction factory” for mere numbers. The world believes in “grooming talents from young”. However, Christian parents must have their priority to groom godly seed from young instead. “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Pr 22:6). God is not merely referring to a moral, well-behaved, good-mannered child. If you don’t start from young, you will be trying to twist a grown branch to grow in a different direction that it was never comfortable with! Don’t sin and then expect God’s mercy to deliver you and your children when the consequences of sin materialise. God gives the parents a heritage of children in order to train them and have their young and impressionable minds transformed by God’s Word before the world trains and conforms them to worldly standards (Rom 12:2). Studies are not wrong nor are they sinful. Christian parent, understand that God is not seeking children that will do well in society and advance far up the economic ladder. If you agree that that is so, then, Christian parent, align your goals, aspirations, and activities for your children to do what God would want. Sadly, it is revealing of parents’ hearts and aspirations if they are more interested and more willing to sacrifice time, sleep, and effort to seek out for their children gifted and talented programs, but in comparison hardly seek to have their children be part of the church and learning God’s Word. “If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. 2 Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth. 3 For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God” (Col 3:1-3). I agree that this is a “hard saying; who can hear it?” (John 6:60), but that is what God tells us in His word of what He expects. If you are unhappy about this, you have a dispute with God and will have to answer to Him. Finally, for those that do have a desire to bring up godly seed for God’s work, I am greatly encouraged that many families are now bringing their children to church for church activities. They do so, not just merely for their children to play with other children in church, but for their children to participate together in the church meetings. The parents are interested in being better husbands, wives, and parents by themselves attending the respective Husbands and Mothers Fellowships, and Family Seminars. They bring their children to the Teens QnA, prayer meetings so that they will learn to love to pray for God’s work and His people, and even Friday Fellowships to learn and build godly friendships. This is about being part of God’s people. This is the purpose of infant baptism – an acknowledgement and a vow that you want and will endeavour to do your part to have your children be part of God’s people so that they will grow up loving His kingdom. If they do not grow up in the church, they will not want to be part of it later. And it is not just about being part of the church children’s playgroup. For these parents, the journey is strenuous, long, and needs much patience. Coming for these meetings are part of the training that parents put their children through, in learning to sit reverentially through the meeting, praising God through singing the hymns, beginning to take notes and paying attention to the message, and slowly understanding God’s Word as it is taught. This is an opportunity to teach the children reverence during the meeting. Do not unduly engage in side conversations with your children during the meetings else they will grow up talking to others during the messages too. Parents must endeavour to focus on worshipping God without distraction, and through their examples, teach their children likewise. Fathers must not be oblivious but instead set the tone for their families. God is the centre of these meetings, not your children.

So, for a couple that says their vows before God and man at their wedding, this is but a glimpse of the road that they have vowed to walk together for the rest of their lives. Marriage is not about romance and fulfilling my dreams and desires, but about seeking to fulfill God’s purposes and plans so as to glorify Him. There is much joy when that happens. There is the joy of seeing their children know the same LORD whom they serve, if they have been faithful parents. By faith, every parent must see that and live with that hope daily. And it is only with much prayer and dependence upon God together with them fulfilling their human responsibility, as they labour for Him in their marriage.

Ecc 4:12  And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Yours in our Lord’s service,
Pastor