Dear BPCWA worshipper, During Chinese New Year, there is a great emphasis on the family. Families come together for reunion dinners. For example, in China, it is a time when people will travel even long distances to be with their families. Every culture has its occasions where family reunions are treasured. This is no surprise, because in a sense everyone comes from families, by God’s design. But by His design, there is a very important role that families are intended to fulfill. Human beings have that sense deep down in us, whether we realise it or not.

God’s intent for families. However, as Christians, “togetherness” and “closeness” alone are not God’s only intent for families. The fifth commandment uses God’s model for the family to teach honour to His authorities. Not everyone is called to marriage, but sadly even for those who are, following God’s model and striving to achieve His purposes for their marriage plays second fiddle to their own purposes. It is no surprise then that we increasingly see the effects of families that have failed God’s purposes in the society around us today.  Especially for unbelieving parents, expecting children to honour them is often seen as more important than honouring God first. Some get upset if their children choose to honour God by their obedience to what is in God’s Word, rather than obey and please them. God’s intent for the commandment to honour parents in the family is to teach children to honour authorities, not merely parents. Parents are to use this commandment to teach children to honour God above all, even themselves, if the crunch comes to that. This is so that children will learn to love God above all else when it comes to obedience to His Word.

Failure of families. Families begin with marriages. This is why I conducted a seminar last year on “How to have a happy marriage”. The world yearns for happy marriages. However, when they reject God’s design for marriage, they will never experience the joy that He intends for marriage. Fathers, husbands, mothers, wives, and children all have their roles and duties. In far too many families today, God-ordained heads of homes have abdicated their roles, playing second fiddle to their wives who God designed to be the husbands’ helps (Ge 2:18). Both parties are happy to have the roles of headship and authorities reversed. Some are too busy with their own careers or pleasures or just don’t care to sanctify their families (Eph 5:26). Some cite how certain decisions would “help the family spiritually”, “do more for God”, etc. But in 1 Samuel 15:22, we are reminded, “And Samuel said, Hath the LORD as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams.” Breaking commandments to achieve another is never biblical and will not end up with any blessedness from God. Hence, the families God entrusted to them yield little spirituality and devotion to God. Encouraged by the women’s liberation movement, wives refuse to submit (Eph 5:22). What is biblically abnormal has become the norm in society. And the Christian wife adopts the world’s view without discernment or care. Even when married, they see God’s injunction to bear children and guide the house (1Ti 5:14) as being secondary to their living their own lives and fulfilling their aspirations. It is no wonder that the world has reached a stage where divorces and dysfunctional marriages are no longer frowned upon but are spoken of in conversations without so much as a blink of an eye, as a normal part of one’s life cycle. Losing the natural desire and care for the children of their womb, parents are merely financers but not caregivers of their own children. Instead, children are cared for by maids, grandparents, or childcare centres. The nurturing roles that God designed for fathers (Ge 18:19) and mothers (1Ti 5:14) are put aside. Self-gratification, laziness, and a careless attitude when it comes to spiritual leaders cause failures that have far-reaching negative consequences for both the family and the children.

Effect of family failures.  In whatever form it may take, God’s people often viewed their own ways and pursuits as more important than godly seed (Mal 2:15). This was so even in God’s chosen nation, Israel. Things are no different now. Ultimately, Satan aims to destroy the church with weak families and future generations of godly Christians brought up in Christian homes. Even unbelievers know that when parents fail, the fallout affects the children. So, they stay together and try to work things out for the children’s sake. In many traditional cultures, this was a motivation for many to remain married. When God says He visits “the iniquity of the fathers upon the children, and upon the children’s children, unto the third and to the fourth generation” (Ex 34:7), it is not because He is unfair and vengeful, but because parents have brought it upon themselves by defying His ways and His laws. The sins of the parents have a snowballing effect in many ways and forms not just on the family unit, but the children. Besides the fact that children are not receiving godly help and leading, they also become little replicas of their parents, learning to live as their parents lived, instead of becoming the godly seeds that God seeks in families (Mal 2:15). Worse still, the sins of the parents are magnified and taken much further by their children, as we see in Scriptures. With absent or negligent fathers and mothers, children return to an empty home with little to no spiritual influence, guidance, or leading. Outside of school hours, children grow up without spiritual teaching. God expects parents not to fail in constant spiritual conversations with their children “when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up” (De 6:7). This is to counter the effects of the world they are constantly exposed to. This is the love for children God meant, not buying things for them.  Such failures occur when the mother is not home all the time. Even if mothers are home, there may be no spiritual conversations and spiritual guidance of the children, merely a fun time doing carnal things together. When fathers fail to “bear his son, in all the way that ye went” (De 1:31) and mothers are not at home “to love their children” (Tit 2:4) and “guide the house” (1Ti 5:14), children turn to people outside of the family for guidance and affection, seeking the love that God intends to be found in godly families and homes. They may seek friendships that are not the pattern of godly friendships, and worse still, end up in relationships that disobey God’s Word or do not glorify Him. Eventually, when families fail to build genuine love for God that causes them to want to obey God on their own, their children may see Christianity as merely being a form of religion instead of a genuine living faith. This is because their own lives do not reflect the unfeigned faith (2 Tim 1:5) due to their own feigned love for God in their choices, pursuits, and lack of devotion to God.

BPCWA Families must not fail. You may think this pastoral is very “negative”, painting a doom and gloom scenario. Well, God repeatedly warned the children of Israel about their failures, and they too often felt God was just overreacting.  Look at where Israel is today. Just because we are saved and have saved children does not mean that family failures will somehow turn out well eventually. Our pattern is not that which the world nor our culture teaches us. For a saved child of God, God has given His children a light, unlike the people of the world. “Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house” (Mt 5:15). This means that our families must be different from families of the world. This light must brightly light up every home in BPCWA, making it distinctly different from that of the world. It is more than just about salvation, though it certainly begins there. Our children must experience the environment that God speaks about in Deuteronomy 6. This must be not just only to “thy son”. It is intended that “thy son” will find your spiritual home environment so valuable and they treasure so much that they will want to pass it on to “thy son’s son” (De 6:2). Some may feel that these are rules and regulations, and Deuteronomy 6 is too stringent. But these specific actions detailing the what, how, and when are what God called for as the key means to build a spiritual environment to bring up godly seed. Without such regulations given and followed, and we just do as we see fit in our own eyes, our families will fail like Israel.

Motivation to avoid failure. God has promised that though “In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world” (Joh 16:33). We must have covenantal homes that are different from the homes of unbelievers. Our Christian homes must have a signature of God’s presence, where He reigns, His love resides, and His law is obeyed and followed. Not everything is within our control, but even if you did not grow up in such a household, there is nothing that following Christ cannot undo. We can live our lives right, our hearts aglow with love for God. We may not have grown up with godly experiences in godly homes, but we have the Word of God that directs our paths and is always there to lead us. This is our privilege to pass that on. Let us remember that as we witness the covenantal vows made at every infant baptism. May every parent live up to their vows before our covenantal LORD. May BPCWA be a light and a testimony of Jesus Christ with generations of God-honouring families and homes bearing God’s light to the glory of our LORD.

Ps 119:90-91   Thy faithfulness is unto all generations: thou hast established the earth, and it abideth.  91 They continue this day according to thine ordinances: for all are thy servants.

Yours in our Lord’s service,
Pastor