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The Purpose of Marriage

Dear BPCWA worshipper, We have just covered the purpose, plan, and privileges from God for singles whom He called and gifted with singlehood. Many wish to be married and some are already married. The church is made up of both married and singles, and both are crucial to God’s work on earth. Hence, for those whom God calls to marriage one day and those who are already in a marriage, it is important that you also know the biblical purpose, plan, and privileges of marriage too.

God’s purpose for marriage. If a believer’s most basic act of eating and drinking is to be for the glory of God, “Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God” (1 Cor 10:31), then marriage must stand high in priority and importance for all married couples to ensure that their marriage does indeed glorify God. This must be seen in the way the marriage prioritizes God in its aims, obedience, and choices, which will truly reflect whether or not God is indeed supreme. Marriage is not merely to avoid loneliness, to have someone take care of me, and just so that I feel loved and have a sense of belonging. God instituted marriage in the garden of Eden with clear purposes, and these are what we shall see next.

How is the purpose of marriage to be achieved? The Westminster writers well summarize the purpose of marriage in WCF 24.2, “II. Marriage was ordained for the mutual help of husband and wife, (Gen 2:18); for the increase of mankind with a legitimate issue, and of the Church with an holy seed, (Mal 2:15); and for preventing of uncleanness, (1 Cor 7:2, 9)”.  1) Mutual help. This mutual help is to enable each other to better love, obey, and serve God. Eve was made specifically to as a help suited for Adam while he was serving God (Gen 2:18-22). This is God’s ordained plan when He created Eve. And Adam was made to lead Eve spiritually (Gen 2:23-3:2-3). The help is not for personal enrichment and selfish enjoyment. So as a man, if you wish to get married, are you willing to ramp up and sustain your own spirituality and knowledge of the Word seriously by a disciplined life to be responsible for a wife spiritually, in order to sanctify her? If you are married, are you dragging her down spiritually by your own spiritual tardiness and carelessness in the things of God? As a woman, are you willing to give up your own pursuits, dreams, and personal comforts of a singlehood lifestyle not just merely “for him”, but to help him love and serve God better? Or are you expecting him to put you first above God? The focus of the help is always for God and His work. Only when that is the case will marriage fulfill the spiritual purpose for which God puts 2 together in marriage. 2) For increase . . . of the Church with an holy seed. If you wish to get married, you must not be unwilling to have children and should not unnecessarily delay having them. The work of God’s kingdom is through the church. The increase is for ensuring a future holy generation to continue God’s work. If so, when you have children, the purpose is to ensure that they are led to the Lord, well taught in the Word and prayer, and disciplined to understand reverence and obedience to the Living God. But we also must not neglect that the “increase of the church” means that the children need to be part of the church and interested in church life, so that they will grow up to love and serve in the church. This is because God intends to progress His work on earth through the church. Train the child to love and pray for the church of God that He has placed your family in. The child must desire to be part of the covenantal family first, before the child would love the church and God’s people in church. This is a purpose of marriage that many misunderstand. Many think that marriage is for themselves, or at best marriage is for themselves and to have children. But this is insufficient. God called a people to Himself as His people. The parents and the children must identify, associate, and make themselves part of God’s people in the local church. All these call for sacrifice, a change of lifestyle, serious diligence, and selfless commitment. Are you willing? Are you going to make the needed changes? The church is made up of not just singles but married people and their children. The church does the work of God on earth (Matt 28:18-20). The future of God’s work on earth is the end purpose of your marriage and children. We must awaken to the fact that God’s purpose for marriage is not just for us to have marriages like the world – marriages that exist for their own pleasure and selfish purposes.

God’s plan for marriage. With the purpose, God gives the model as well. The marriage model is likened to Christ and His Bride in Ephesians 5. This plan of God is to enable the marriage to achieve God’s purpose and use. Any other model will render it sinful and unusable for God, and may even cause that marriage to fail. Marriage must reflect Christ and His Bride, the Church of God (Eph 5:30-33).  The church is to obey Christ in all things, hence the wife is to be in submission in all things to her head in marriage (Eph 5:22-23). Aside from what is sinful, it does not matter if the wife feels differently, has different ideas, or does not agree with what the husband chooses for the family. If the husband wants the wife to obey and as long as it is not sinful, she must still submit. If you are not willing to be such a wife, you are not ready for marriage. An insubmissive wife will hinder the husband’s leadership to lead the family to greater obedience and usefulness for God. There will be constant disagreements and arguments. It can lead to the breakdown of the marriage too. Husbands are to love their wives sacrificially with the aim of making her more holy and obedient to God, and love her as he would love his own flesh. This means that the head must be willing to sacrifice the free and easy singles lifestyle and sacrifice his selfish career dreams in order to seriously study and obey God’s Word, and then to teach and pray with the family consistently. He will need to sacrifice sleep and hobbies if needed. He must be the godly example towards the Bride of Christ ie God’s Church in attendance, service, and commitment to her purpose on earth. The husband must love with discernment, not just agree to whatever the family prefers. He must know God’s Word well and use it in making choices, instead of what the world would advise or just accede to what the family wants without applying biblical principles. He needs to discern between genuine and fleshly excuses. If the wife and children can be busy in and endure many things but always have an excuse when it comes to learning the Word, serving, and being part of the church of God, the head must deal honestly with them and not fear upsetting them. If the wife wishes to pursue that which is against God’s model, he must be ready to exercise his headship. When the head does not exercise biblical headship, he sins against God in failing to sanctify the wife. Love is to help them be honest and genuine in their walk with God. To be an example to them, the husband must first be genuine too.  This is what it takes in God’s marriage model. If you obey it, God will enable you by the power of the Holy Spirit to fulfil it. And you will reap the fruit of your godly headship when you see your wife and children love, obey, and serve God wholly in time . . . thus fulfilling God’s plan for marriage.

God willing, we shall see God’s privileges given to marriage and how it can be used or abused. Do pray with the church that both singlehood and marriages in BPCWA will fulfill God’s purposes for His church. And not just pray, but be that single and married person for God. Only when we are willing to do that can we begin to say with Paul,

Phil 1:21  For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.

Yours in our Lord’s service,
Pastor